Mixed cds are a funny thing. Maybe to a girl whose relationships work out, mixed cds are a cherished gift, a gift of love that shows the boy really cares. To me, so far, mixed cds have been the left over evidence of relationships that could have been. I received my first mixed cd a little over a year ago. A boy I had a major crush on gave me it for Valentine's day. I freaked out and listened to it everyday. On it was a handwritten note. It said, Marcilyn, I hope you have a good Valentines Day and that cupid doesn't shoot you with any poison filled arrows. Yep, I remember it word for word. On the cover was a picture of an astronaut hugging his wife goodbye. It was perfect. Two weeks later we went on a date and after that he never called me again. Perfect. Now I had this mixed cd that only reminded me of the unrequited love I had for this individual. Every song on the cd pierced me when I tried to listen to it.
The second mixed cd I recieved was for my birthday this year from a very nice boy in my ward. He made me a three page birthday card and on the back page tucked inside a fabric pocket sewn onto the card was a mixed cd. This one was spray painted red and held in its microscopic coding songs that were his favorites, mostly local stuff. I really enjoyed a song on it by Mirah called Jeruselum. After he gave me the cd we went on a few dates. Last weekend we went to a musical. It was fun, but I decided shortly after the date that I wasn't that into it and didn't call him anymore. I felt bad that I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. I thought about how sad he must be and how I hoped we could still be friends. Well, I heard today that he kissed my friend two days ago so I guess he's over it. But now I have this cd that for the life of me I can't listen to. I only think of how I couldn't make it work. I'm going to go home and throw it in a box with this years school papers where it will get lost, just like the last mixed cd.
Maybe someday I'll discover these cds again and laugh. Or maybe I'll cry. Its hard to say. I guess, in the end I just have to say I can't wait till I receive a mixed cd that I can listen to for the rest of my life.
3 comments:
I still ever once and a while pull out the very first mixed tape I ever recived from a boy ~we were 16 & 17 I was leaving for spring break and he made me a tape for my trip and I listened to that thing non stop as the family went to San Diego & Tucson & back home again I love the fact that I remember everthing from that week because of that tape ~it is by far one of the best things that has ever happened to me ~I am a Bob Dylan fan to this day because of that tape and I listen to the Beattles in a whole new way because of that tape ~but as much as I love that tape now.
~Bryan left me and proceded to date not only my friend Grace but my friend Lisa after he broke my heart but you know what I never think of that when I listen to the tape I think of the good times playing tennis with him, visiting him at work, and the way he always came over to hang out freshly showered ~and of coarse how nice that spring break road trip was ~I would never give that tape up for anything.
the only mixed cds i receive are from myself, and after i listen to them i feel like i should go to counseling for self-inflicted wounds.
12 of my 'top 25 most played' songs are from mix cds from my most recent boyf. 6 others are only there because they remind me of him for other reasons. curse? or cures? i don't know. but i can't stop.
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